Yup, I was just getting really stressed. I don't think the college dorm living situation is good for me, as I've now withdrawn from two colleges. The first kicked me out (well, more like told me to go away) for a suicide attempt though, which was fucking ridiculous. I'll gladly tell you which college it was if you're some kind of reporter willing to fuck up their reputation or something.
I'll be honest and say that the paranoid thoughts DXM was giving me probably weren't helping, but I also think I wouldn't have been able to cope without its positive effects. It's hard to say though, as life is complicated. Fuck it though, what's done is done.
Now I might try some community college, I don't know. I've also been referred to some Asperger's Syndrome expert or something, so we'll see how that goes. My main priority is still to get medical marijuana, as I believe that will help me a lot and maybe I might have had a more successful semester if I'd gotten it already.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Racism
After really getting into Dave Chappelle's work and then being led to Richard Pryor, I've been thinking. Stand up comedy seems like a great way to gauge an audience's racist attitudes. You can hear their beliefs in the way they react.
Bleh, that's all I have to say for now.
Bleh, that's all I have to say for now.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Sick
I've been gradually getting sick, so experiment: failed. I don't even know if the headache I had last night was from the caffeine or this fever, but I'm definitely not in shape to do any chemical experimenting right now. Sorry folks!
I have a feeling it was either too high of a dose, or I'm just not the right person to be taking it every day. It could possibly be a once-every-so-often supplement, like how I was using Ambien a while ago.
I have a feeling it was either too high of a dose, or I'm just not the right person to be taking it every day. It could possibly be a once-every-so-often supplement, like how I was using Ambien a while ago.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Medical Caffeine
Caffeine is already in plenty of OTC preparations, such as pain relievers and cold medications, but I can see health effects of it that are taken for granted in the coffee cup.
Every day, people use it to wake up. And usually the rule is don't have any after 4pm or so to prevent sleep problems. And with that 70-90% of America statistic, it seems it's a Soma-like drug (reference to Brave New World, not carisoprodol). I think people should be more aware of its potential to create a healthier lifestyle.
It could even be used as an antidepressant. Definitely not for the Major Depressive Disorder that makes you lack serotonin, but maybe for a less serious type. To me, it seems like there are lots of different kinds of depression out there, and caffeine might be able to help with some of them.
I'm putting 100mg in each day of my pill case thingie, and we'll see how my sleeping patterns and mood are. Today already went pretty nicely. I felt like I had a refreshing amount of social energy. I got up at 8:30, then took a 1-2 hour nap around 1pm, which is extremely unusal for me. I usually crash right after class and sleep in until 7-8pm.
Every day, people use it to wake up. And usually the rule is don't have any after 4pm or so to prevent sleep problems. And with that 70-90% of America statistic, it seems it's a Soma-like drug (reference to Brave New World, not carisoprodol). I think people should be more aware of its potential to create a healthier lifestyle.
It could even be used as an antidepressant. Definitely not for the Major Depressive Disorder that makes you lack serotonin, but maybe for a less serious type. To me, it seems like there are lots of different kinds of depression out there, and caffeine might be able to help with some of them.
I'm putting 100mg in each day of my pill case thingie, and we'll see how my sleeping patterns and mood are. Today already went pretty nicely. I felt like I had a refreshing amount of social energy. I got up at 8:30, then took a 1-2 hour nap around 1pm, which is extremely unusal for me. I usually crash right after class and sleep in until 7-8pm.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Caffeine
I've just realized how much caffeine can help me. For some reason I've been looking at it as a dirty, synthetic drug that everybody else uses. But now that I think about it, since a huge amount of people use it daily and have healthy lives, it's also been an herbal-type drug for centuries.
I've been avoiding it altogether probably because I've been putting it in the same category as alcohol and tobacco...those legal drugs.
And let's not forget how my parents wouldn't even let me buy caffeine pills! Bleh, they were authoritarian motherfuckers. They censored websites about drugs and all that.
I even remember one of my many psychiatrists/therapists not recommending it and saying it's a quick fix. What the fuck, man? I'm constantly seeing statistics that say around 70-90% of Americans use caffeine every day.
One big thing keeping me away from it was the anxiety it can cause. But I think I could apply my theory of "getting used to marijuana" to caffeine as well.
I've been avoiding it altogether probably because I've been putting it in the same category as alcohol and tobacco...those legal drugs.
And let's not forget how my parents wouldn't even let me buy caffeine pills! Bleh, they were authoritarian motherfuckers. They censored websites about drugs and all that.
I even remember one of my many psychiatrists/therapists not recommending it and saying it's a quick fix. What the fuck, man? I'm constantly seeing statistics that say around 70-90% of Americans use caffeine every day.
One big thing keeping me away from it was the anxiety it can cause. But I think I could apply my theory of "getting used to marijuana" to caffeine as well.
High!
Well, I took an eency weency toke from my vaporizor. God dammit, why doesn't everyone use this thing? Your stash will last forever, man!
But yeah, this is the paranoia-causing stuff. You were right, mom. Haha.
Well, it's probably a combination of both drugs' paranoia-causing effects. DXM's stimulation of the imagination, and weed's increase of vividness of the imagination. They kind of do both things, but to the former and latter degrees. I hope you understand that because I gotta go feel the cold. Brrr, ahhh!
But yeah, this is the paranoia-causing stuff. You were right, mom. Haha.
Well, it's probably a combination of both drugs' paranoia-causing effects. DXM's stimulation of the imagination, and weed's increase of vividness of the imagination. They kind of do both things, but to the former and latter degrees. I hope you understand that because I gotta go feel the cold. Brrr, ahhh!
Humor
Well, it's been a while since I've only been on DXM. It was a steady habit to add marijuana to the experience I guess.
Anyway, it seems like your sense of humor is a difficult thing to balance when you're concentrating on a bunch of other things. I've been able to let off steam by acting completely crazy around my parents. Since I can't do that much now, I have to find it somewhere else. Sounds like the definition of growing up to me. Gettin' some friends insteada your parents.
Yeah...friends. Social anxiety makes that area pretty nasty.
Maybe this has something to do with me "smiling a lot". I'm probably suppressing my sense of humor.
Anyway, it seems like your sense of humor is a difficult thing to balance when you're concentrating on a bunch of other things. I've been able to let off steam by acting completely crazy around my parents. Since I can't do that much now, I have to find it somewhere else. Sounds like the definition of growing up to me. Gettin' some friends insteada your parents.
Yeah...friends. Social anxiety makes that area pretty nasty.
Maybe this has something to do with me "smiling a lot". I'm probably suppressing my sense of humor.
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