Saturday, October 17, 2009

My Addiction III

I think hiding my personality is helped greatly by being looked at as a druggie, as it's hard for someone to get to know you when you're messed up all the time. Maybe I'm trying to fit into the stereotype of a drug addict just to look like this. I also sometimes play around with pretending to be high (all this pretending and hiding is likely contributing to my Borderline diagnosis), and usually the average person isn't very good at being able to tell.

Maybe this is a tool used by insomniacs too. Just replace the druggie look with the image of a sleep deprived burnout. I'll admit I borrow from the tired look when trying to seem high.

Anyway, I've given up DXM easily in the past, and I may not be needing it for just the opiate receptors. I probably need it for all of them, as they all contribute to looking fucked up. If I was truly addicted to the opiate receptors, I'd be going through physical withdrawal when I take breaks. But like I said, I'm psychologically addicted. I think "the look" is what I'm addicted to.

But let's not forget about the all around fun of the experience! Like with any other hobby, fun can be addicting. Just keep me away from ketamine.

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